The days turned into weeks, and still my health condition persisted. My body grew weaker and the treatments continued to ravage me. Yet even in the midst of the storm, I could sense a quiet change happening within my soul.
Whereas before I had raged and shaken my fist at God when prayers went unanswered, now I had made the conscious decision to wait on Him. To trust without seeing the whole picture. To believe that though this trial made no sense to me now, it was part of a loving Father's wise plan for my life.
My circumstances had not changed, but my attitude had shifted from passive despair to active hope. I started looking for little blessings each day - a call from a caring friend, the laughter of children playing outside my window, the warmth of the sun on my face. My eyes were open now to the sparks of joy that God scattered in my path like diamonds glinting in the dust.
Hard days still came. Days when getting out of bed took monumental effort, when the pain and fatigue threatened to drown me in self-pity. In those moments, I fixed my eyes on eternity, rehearsing God's promises that no suffering would last forever. I reminded myself that this was not the end of my story. Resurrection was coming.
Though my prayers for physical healing continued to seem unanswered, I noticed small changes happening in my heart. A deeper compassion for others in pain. Increased gratitude for each moment. My dependency on God's strength grew as I exhausted my own. I began to see how this trial - though unwanted - was chiseling me into the image of Christ.
And so I waited upon the Lord. I did not give up believing, even when tempted to walk away in anger or doubt. The circumstances of my life may not have looked any different yet. But I was changed from the inside out by renewed trust in God's perfect timing.
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